Sometimes I Just Tell The Voice In My Head To Shut Up

  I started a new commission painting yesterday. I noticed something different about the voice in my head. Well, not really about the voice, but how I responded to it. It has pretty much always said "you're gonna screw this up, you shouldn't even try". I used to listen to it, but attempt to create anyway. As I got older ( I'm not sure if I can legally say wiser) I still listened to it, but it didn't hold as much sway over me. Kinda like listening to your boss after a few years. I heard but didn't really pay attention. I've mostly been painting what I wanted to for the past few months. When I paint for myself the voice either doesn't talk or I just don't listen. When I paint for myself there's no way to really screw up. It's all for me and all for fun. If I screw up I paint over it and no one will ever know. I sat at my easel last night to do a commission for my friend Katie. A painting of her son Eli. I had an idea what I was gonna do. I put my canvas on the easel and grabbed a brush. The voice piped up in my head, "You're gonna screw this up. You'll never capture his likeness" This time i just laughed and said "No, I won't. I'm one of the best artists in the world. I can paint anything." Then I turned the music up (Talking Heads. It sounds kinda ironic as I write this) and set out to work. It was fun, relaxing, and it turned out just the way I wanted. I sent a picture to Katie and she loves it. Maybe the voice will just move on. If you notice that you have an inner voice telling you that you suck, and it sounds a lot like me, well, I'm sorry. I guess it has to find work somewhere.

"Listen To The River"

My favorite 4"x2" painting.